


cause I know my destination (is a warm and waiting you)

by kbs_was_here



Series: on a watch with no hands [2]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: F/F, Let my moms marry, Test Pilots Do It Without Limits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 21:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18507262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbs_was_here/pseuds/kbs_was_here
Summary: With Carol's great power comes great memory recollection.





	cause I know my destination (is a warm and waiting you)

In that final encounter with Special Intelligence, the one where it looked like the mission was royally screwed and everyone was about to die, Carol had a realization. 

In short, that realization was: _Fuck this shit._

She'd been knocked around, knocked into, knocked aside, knocked over, knocked out, knocked down (the only knock she couldn't check off on her list was "knocked up" which, well...) by anyone and everyone who thought they knew better, could do better, were better. But they didn't, couldn't, and weren't. Maybe it took practice, maybe it took time, maybe it took a hundred tries, but every single time, she'd found a way to beat them.

And she was going to beat this. She could feel the energy surging under her skin, pulsing in her hands, thrumming through her entire being. In all of her training with Yon-Rogg, she'd been conditioned to keep it in, to hold back. She didn't realize it at the time, but that was familiar, given she'd enlisted in the air force and spent eight weeks in boot camp having a specific code of conduct drilled into her. But that only set her up to have something to rail against as she worked up through the ranks, from Airman Basic all the way to Captain. She probably would have kept climbing if she hadn’t been, you know, abducted and taken to an alien planet.

Even with the memory loss, her humanity was still there, itching to talk back, fight back, and take back every inch of ground she'd been forced to give up because someone decided she didn't belong there. And coursing alongside all that rebellious humanness was everything she'd absorbed from Lawson's energy core.

It was time to let it out.

Carol knew it would be intense, that fully unleashing herself from Kree control would likely have some kind of side effect. Which, it had several, most of them having to do with incredible firepower and the ability to fly.

But it also flooded her mind with memories and thoughts, experiences that had previously been blank expanses.

\--Monica's fifth birthday at Disneyland and what happens when two test pilots push the limits of centrifugal force on the Teacups. 

\--Carol at nine years old, demanding to know why she wasn't allowed to pursue the same merit badges in the Girl Scouts as her brothers did in the Boy Scouts.

\--Maria effortlessly assembling Monica's new bicycle on Christmas Eve, even after Carol had hidden the instructions between the sofa cushions.

It was all there, quickly settling back into place. Though, at the time, Carol was a little distracted with battling the Kree over the Tesseract and then stopping an alien ballistic missile attack on C-53 (or, hey, Earth).

When it was over, after the invading ships had jumped back to wherever they'd come from and she'd sent Yon-Rogg back to Hala, Carol sailed through the skies, enjoying the unobstructed view she now had without all the aerodynamic metal that had surrounded her in the past. She could see the world for what it was. And she could see the past, too.

There was a very specific recollection of a night after a certain Guns-N-Roses concert that she definitely was going to have to remind Maria about. Though, given the image she was seeing in her mind, it didn't seem like something that was forgotten too easily.

She spotted the quad jet that was already headed due east and rocketed up to it, slowing briefly by the cockpit window.

“Avenger to Photon, can you read me?” One of the Skrull upgrades to the quad jet had included adapting the comm system to receive transmissions from Carol’s suit.

“Copy that, I read you loud and clear.”

“Is everyone all right?”

“Everyone is A-OK.”

“Awesome. I’m gonna just pull ahead a little and--”

“See how fast you can go, yeah, I know. We’ve met.”

Carol grinned at Maria through the window, then put two fingers up together then circled them in a "break-up and rendezvous" signal to indicate she'd meet them back at the Rambeau's, then blasted forward. Even though she'd just zoomed all around the atmosphere blowing things up, she wanted to know just how fast she could go with gravity tugging at her.

Given that she made it from somewhere over the California/Nevada desert to Louisiana in a little over half an hour, a flight that took her and Fury a couple of hours to make in the quad jet, she mentally calculated she was traveling somewhere near hypersonic. Even though there were aircraft that could reach similar speeds, all of those cocky bastards back on the base still needed a machine get there. But not Carol Danvers.

Almost as soon as her feet touched down in the Rambeau's yard, Monica burst out the back door of the house, sprinting toward her. 

"Auntie Carol!" The girl flung herself at Carol, who easily caught her in a hug. It took a beat, but then she looked past the shiny supersuit. "Where's mom? And Goose? And--" 

"They're all fine. They're just taking their time getting back," Carol teased.

"I saw you land," Monica said as they began to walk together toward the house. "So, you can fly now." Not a question, an observation.

"Looks like it."

"How fast?"

"Uh, maybe Mach 5, Mach 6? Not sure. I'd have to actually clock it."

"Can I help?"

"Sure."

Once back in the house, Carol greeted Mr. and Mrs. Rambeau as casually as she always had, despite the fact that she'd just returned from something that sounded impossible. She and Maria had done their best to explain what they were getting into the night before but all that really seemed to matter was the assurance that Maria was on her way back and Carol was standing in front of them in one piece.

After a shower, choosing the right band tee to wear (Heart, obviously), and answering about a hundred questions from Monica, Carol heard the sound of the quad jet in the distance. As it landed, she reminded Monica to wait until the engines cut out before approaching, then they both rushed to the cargo door, impatient as they watched it lower.

"What took you so long?" Carol asked, as soon as she made eye contact with Maria.

"It may be difficult for you to remember, but some of us are still bound by," Maria was momentarily cut off by her daughter throwing herself against her, "the laws of physics."

"Yeah, so... I don't think my memory is going to be much of a problem, anymore." Carol slung an arm around Maria as they walked toward the house. "Does, uh, August 23rd, 1986 ring a bell?"

Everyone else broke ahead of them as Carol and Maria lingered behind. Monica chased after Goose while Fury suggested maybe she should let him have his space, which only led the girl to rattle off a series of questions that were finally cut off from earshot by the closing of the front door to the house. 

Maria turned to face Carol, brows raised. "You mean the night you tore a fuel line running that Mustang through one of your shortcuts and we had to walk an hour and half back to town?"

“And…”

“Me telling the whole story doesn’t prove to me that your memory is working at top speeds.”

"We saw that meteor shower. You said we should make a wish on one of them for someone to come along and pick us up."

Maria looked hopeful, "And you said...?"

"We didn't need anyone to rescue us. We had each other." Carol shrugged, smiling at Maria. "And maybe I said something about being crazy in love with you."

"Oh, you maybe said it? You practically screamed it at the Joshua trees."

"You know me. The louder the better."

"So what you're telling me is that... you remember some stuff?"

"Not some of it. All of it. I mean, I'm still processing? I think. It's kind of intense. But there aren't the huge blank spots anymore."

It was daunting, the idea that she could now recall just about anything she wanted. Because that also meant things would surface that she didn't want to remember. Like her parents cold response to her coming out to them in high school. Her dad's choice words when she told him she was joining the air force. "Makes sense, dykes love the military." The fact that she didn't even bother to invite them to her flight school graduation.

By then Maria and Monica had become her family. There wasn't a night she missed at the Rambeau dinner table. Maybe partly because Carol wasn't the best at cooking well-balanced meals. It required following specific directions, an area maybe she wasn't the best at if it wasn't being issued to her in the form of a command from a superior. But really it was because Maria wanted her there and Carol wanted to be there. And as Monica grew up, she demanded just as much, if not more of Carol's attention than Maria's. 

For every shitty memory of her childhood, there were ten times as many happy memories of her adult life. Seeing her favorite bands live in concert. Breaking the sound barrier. Waking up next to Maria. Falling asleep next to Maria. Being woken up by a tiny Monica jumping on the bed because she was ready for breakfast.

It was worth the risk of the bad ones just to have possession of the good, best, happiest, craziest, silliest, most wonderful moments of her life. Even the arguments she had with Maria were shrouded in affection.

That made Carol’s decision, the one she made seemingly in a half-second at the dinner table, harder than any she’d consciously made before. Carol tended to act without thinking, to move on instinct, this was a sure bet in almost any case. But she’d been considering the possibilities ever since her feet had hit the ground. Talos and his family needed her protection, more than Maria and Monica did, at least right now. They’d managed fine for the last six years and they’d do more than manage for however long it took to help the Skrulls find sanctuary (though, after she’d said it, she hoped it wouldn’t be _too_ long). As much as Carol wanted to kick off her boots and slip into bed next to the woman she now knew full well held her heart, she had a duty to serve and protect. Not because she’d signed a government contract or because she owed to it some alien civilization as repayment. But because it was the right thing to do.

“It’s hard for me to say goodbye, too.” Carol knew Maria could be just as stoic as she was, sometimes more. They’d had more than a few standoffs when it came to showing emotion. 

Standing there, in front of the home Maria and Monica had put together Carol’s absence, Carol knew she’d be back, because she wanted to be part of it, to build future memories. When Maria pulled her into a tight hug, it was hard to even consider letting go, especially with Monica at her side, one small hand gripping the leather jacket that had just been returned to its owner.

When Maria finally said, “Go on,” Carol knew it was time, because any longer and she might decide to stay forever. But Carol Danvers never stayed grounded for long. She always preferred the view from… well. 

And while she was up there, looking back down at that big blue marble she realized was home, she knew she had a lifetime of memories to keep her company on this mission. Some she’d decide were better buried, but others--

\--landing her first BMX 360 jump when she was ten years old.

\--flipping a guy over her shoulder at a high school party when he tried to grab a handful of who-knows-what because he never even made it that far and then taking that guy’s ex-girlfriend out for pizza.

\--knowing that kissing Maria could make her giddier than a high-g barrel roll.

\--a three year-old Monica climbing onto her back during a push-up contest with Maria that ended in hysterical laughter.

Gone was the rogue soldier, all alone in the universe with no ties to anyone or anything. Carol Danvers was back and she knew who she was. And she was ready to make more memories with her family, to have more stories to share with her friends. 

Just as soon as she did this one thing, real quick.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from lyrics to "Nothin' At All" by Heart.


End file.
